she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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