Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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