he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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