you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We named our party play list daddy issues
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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