You work out of a Hotel?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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