I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
