Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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