so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
