She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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