he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
