I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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