I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
