I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
