I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
