Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
