ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
