I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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