Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
