U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
