I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
