So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
