I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
