it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
