I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
