I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
