Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
