allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
