This gyro tastes like lonliness
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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