What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
