3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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