Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
