well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
