No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
