Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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