no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
