When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
