i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
