You really coming over, don't trick.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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