My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
