I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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