: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
