Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
