i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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