I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
