I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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