Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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