It's like God shit irony all over that family
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sarcasm needs its own font
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
