I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
