the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
