just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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