Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
