dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
