found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
