Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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