I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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